What I Wish Someone Had Told Me – A Healing Conversation

WHEN STARTING THE LAWN MOWER
BECOMES A MIRACLE

I know it sounds silly, but I’m beaming with joy over the fact that I was able to mow our lawn this weekend. The first time in years.

What’s so special about it? (I know some would be happy not having to do it – I understand!) But for me, it’s a sign.

A sign of gaining strength again.

You have to know that our mower is one of those petrol ones where you have to pull that starter rope very hard to get it running. It’s not about endurance – it’s about powerful momentum, real muscle power. And I simply didn’t have that in me for years.

So this experience made me dance, smile, and cry out of joy and gratitude.

Most of you don’t know that I’ve been ‘walking’ with ME/CFS (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis / Chronic Fatigue Syndrome – a complex, often misunderstood condition marked by deep exhaustion, pain, and neurological symptoms, as well as loss of muscle strength) for literally the last 20 years.

It started 2005 in Santa Fe/New Mexico, where I studied and lived back then – very subtle with a flue-like condition, but unlike any other flu, it just never went away.

Back then, I had no idea what it was – I just felt more and more miserable. My body was in constant pain, and I felt utterly exhausted even when I did nothing.

No sleep helped, nor any of the alternative medicine modalities I tried – and believe me I tried all of them. Nothing helped. It got worse and worse. At times, the pain was excruciating. I couldn’t get out of bed. I had to crawl to the toilet. I was desperate.

After years, and in the meantime back in Germany, I finally turned to conventional medicine to look for help but this became just another Odyssee. They found nothing. No MRI, no CT, no blood test, no other diagnostic way could explain the pain or the exhaustion.

Back then ME/CFS was not known by most doctors at all – and unfortunately still isn’t.

The only thing they did, they gave me a cocktail of heavy medications – from the strongest painkillers to psychotropic drugs. Nothing (!) made it better. The only thing it changed was that I felt more and more like a zombie.

Totally disconnected from spirit.

In those years, from 2005 – 2012, I lived alone. My passion and profession was being a body therapist and yoga teacher. I needed my body for both. But I couldn’t work anymore. Being self-employed, that meant no income. The alternative therapies used up all my savings. I ended up broke—truly not knowing how to pay for rent and living. Talking Existenzangst.

The numbness from the meds made me suicidal. And if it hadn’t been for an ‘angel’ that protected me one afternoon, in making me sit on my washing machine, not moving an inch for hours, I would have taken my life that day.

Instead, I threw away all the medication and started a more inner healing journey than an outer one. I stopped doing what I was doing and especially how I was doing „things“ back then.

I changed trajectory. And honestly, I don’t know if I would’ve had the courage to go on that path if I had known how long it still would take to finally experience significant healing.

In 2017, about seven years after that pivotal moment, I got ‚finally‘ a diagnosis: ME/CFS

That changed a lot. Not because there’s a known cure. There isn’t. Still no medication that helps. But the knowing, that I wasn’t crazy or that this all wasn’t just in my mind (as many doctors liked to suggest) brought some ease.

The diagnosis gave me insight into what many people with ME/CFS have in common (according to my own research and study), and the few things that are known to ease the symptoms helped me tremendously.

From there on, the next seven years became an even deeper journey into myself—how I face the world, my life, what my patterns are, what’s truly good for me and what’s not and no less than how to love My Self. Today I can rightly say that I am making great strides on the path to healing fully.

That brings me back to Saturday.

After starting the lawn mower and mowing our huge lawn (yes!!), I also walked around the lake near our cottage. And then swam in it. And I was able to do all of that without any backlash the following days. That all, and how much energy I got, feels like a miracle to me.

Some of you – perhaps most of you who know me – will be wondering about all of this. Because apart from the years leading up to 2011/2012, when I experienced my own personal dark night of the soul, I have mostly been able to live a beautiful and meaningful life – and that’s what most people have seen and I’ve experienced.

But I would say not in spite of ME/CFS, but also because of it – especially once I started to accept and integrate it, learn from it rather than trying to get rid of it.

Those years taught me so much.

• I slowed down enough to make room for a new relationship—now my beloved husband.
• I found ways to work less (while even creating more income).
• To work in a way that truly suits me.
• To set boundaries where I need them.
• To live my truth—unapologetically, and still in harmony with my surroundings.
• To be fully who I am.
• And to love My Self.

Just to mention a few…

This journey is not over yet, but I’m excited to continue.

Instead of feeling threatened by what’s next, or constantly wondering if it will ever get better—what I did for so many years – struggling – I look forward to the growth ahead.

Don’t get me wrong—there were many times when I just wanted it to stop. I suffered. Truly. From pain, from exhaustion, and emotionally. Feeling lost. Lonely. Misunderstood. Judged.

But also: There were dear friends, family and my beloved man.

They stayed. They supported me. They helped with their loyalty, their understanding, their compassion—and very practically, too: making tea, holding me, cooking nourishing meals, lending money, listening.

I’m feeling so blessed and grateful that I somehow have the ability to feel lucky no matter what happens in my life.

That I am gifted with the ability to grow in the face of hardship. And that there are always Angels showing up along the way when I needed them most.

I love to give something back—to anyone who might need support on a similar journey.

I’ve set up a Zoom call. For anyone who wants to hear some of the practices and insights that helped me. May it be ME/CFS or Long Covid—the symptoms and the journey are often similar. I’d love to serve with my experience and story of healing.

There will be one call in English and one in German.

I’ll share my knowledge and wisdom from 20 years of walking that path of healing. Because I hope it might shorten the journey for others. I wish I had met someone back then who told me what I know now. It would’ve made it easier to find my path of healing.

I’m aware: everyone’s story is different. Everyone’s healing journey too. But maybe there’s a nugget of inspiration, a single impulse, a slight shift, that could change something for the better. I have no idea if this will be helpful for anyone, but I’m so full of gratitude that I love to give back to the world and maybe this is a way I can.

If this speaks to you, please send me a message and I’ll send you the Zoom link.

connect@gabriellavonkruse.world

INVITATION

What I Wish Someone Had Told Me – A Healing Conversation on Zoom

I’ll offer my stories, practices, and insights that supported my healing — in the hope they might ease someone else’s journey.

Whether you or a loved one are living with ME/CFS or Long Covid, you’re warmly invited. There will also be space for your questions.

Zoom Call Dates:

German: Dienstag, 8. Juli 2025 | 18 Uhr (ca. 60-90 Minuten)

English: Thursday, July 10th, 2025 | 6 pm CET | | 9 am PDT | 12 pm EST | 6 pm SAST
(about 60-90 minutes)

If you are interested please send me a message.

THE CALLS ARE FOR FREE